Discovering ADHD at Age 53: Tools That Change Everything
Updated: Sep 14
Hi, I’m Connie Bailey, founder of The Phoebe Project, a wife of 32 years, a mom to four beautiful adult children and one equally beautiful daughter-in-law. I am also a dog mom to two golden retrievers, Portia and Poppy.
At 53, I was diagnosed with ADHD. That diagnosis gave me a new way to understand a lifetime of experiences, including struggles I had spent years taking personally.
I thought ADHD was an inability to focus, but as I learned more, I realized that was one small piece of the puzzle. The inability to keep my emotions in check, poor time management, the overwhelm, procrastination, racing thoughts, etc. began to make sense.
My story includes childhood trauma, bad choices, rejection, and the pain of growing up with ADHD that hadn’t been recognized. I was “weird”. I did “dumb things”. I was “annoying”. I was “trouble”.
That’s what I heard, that is what I believed, and that is what I became. Until God healed me.
My generation & ADHD
For women of my generation, so much of the understanding of ADHD came long after our childhood. The name ADHD wasn’t introduced until 1987, when I was already a teenager, and many of us grew up associating it with visibly hyperactive children. Less obvious struggles could go unrecognized and follow us into adulthood.
Today, many of us are finally finding language for experiences we’ve carried for decades. Understanding my ADHD has meant looking back with fresh eyes, grieving the support I missed, and beginning to offer compassion to the little girl who didn’t understand why things felt so hard.
Those experiences shaped how I saw myself and what I believed I needed to do to be accepted, long before I had a name for masking.
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Masking is to hide or change parts of yourself to fit in or avoid judgment. With ADHD, it might mean working extra hard to appear organized, holding back your natural reactions, or pretending you’re managing when you feel overwhelmed inside.
I knew the effort of trying to fit in while carrying struggles other people couldn’t see.
Those wounds didn’t simply disappear when I became an adult. Rejection continued to touch tender places, and I carried questions about my worth into different seasons of my life.
Alongside those struggles, I built a career in radio, marketing, communications, and business leadership. I’ve been creative, capable, and committed to my work.
And I’ve also struggled. Both belong in my story.
I have walked through depression following job changes, difficult career transitions, and the uncertainty of starting over. I have been to multiple counselling sessions dealing with childhood trauma. I have had multiple PSTD Therapy Treatments. Fighting through a season of chronic pain has added another layer, asking me to pay attention to my limits and reconsider what caring for myself really means.
Through it it all, God has taken me to levels of healing I never thought I would experience, on many levels. He can do the same for you.
In this season, I’ve stepped back from my career to build something deeply personal and meaningful.
My trust in God and His Love is at the heart of this journey. Prayer, scripture, counselling, inner healing and good friends have each had a place in helping me face old wounds, work on boundaries, and begin changing the beliefs I’ve carried about myself.
I’m still learning to offer myself compassion and to believe that my worth does not depend on how much I accomplish or whether everyone understands me.
The Phoebe Project grew out of that lived experience
I wanted to create a place for women who recognize something of themselves in my story.
I have a huge heart for women discovering ADHD in midlife and beginning to look back at their lives with new understanding. Women who need practical tools for everyday challenges, and space to acknowledge the hurt of feeling rejected or misunderstood.
I also have a deep passion to come alongside women that have been deeply hurt, abandoned, and rejected. To you I want to say, your story is not over. I pray you believe and hope in a bright healed future. A future where you can be restored in order to help others like yourself. You have great purpose.Your experiences can help someone else!
Where I'm headed
In recent years I've retained an ADHD Coaching Certification and Foundational and Advanced Inner Healing Training through Bethel Sozo Ministry. God has shown me the connection between ADHD and the rejection I have faced (or imagined) in my lifetime. I continue to study and research this connection.
In my role as a facilitator, I bring that training together with my faith, my experience, and a desire to help you to find the freedom I have found.
I’m still growing and healing. That ongoing journey shapes the heart I bring to The Phoebe Project.
My hope is that, as you get to know me, you feel a little more comfortable being yourself. You can bring your questions, your faith, your uncertainty, and the parts of your story you are still trying to understand.
I want you know how valued, loved, and beautiful God made you, just the way you are!
You are welcome here, and I believe that no matter where you are in life, your story is important!
If you have been
misunderstood
betrayed
judged
abused
manipulated
abandoned
accused
gossiped about
angry
rejected
feeling guilt, shame & condemnation
grieving
and more...
I can relate.
If bad things happened to you, I want to tell you that it's not OK.
I see you.
But there is a season for pain, and a season for God's victory after the pain. There is a season to allow God to turn your pain to power.
I'd love to have a chat with you about the power of God to fully heal these areas. Please reach out.
God has more for you!
Love,
Connie
"Satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy. I have come to give you life in the full, until it overflows." - John 10:10
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