Connie's Story: The Purpose God Reveals
Updated: Sep 14
My story is one of a God who has met me in the places I once tried to hide.
For much of my life, I carried the weight of mistakes, rejection, and painful experiences that shaped how I saw myself. I have a list of mistakes on my resume. Feel free to ask me about them. But here, I want to talk more about who God is, His grace, and how He has helped me.
I have spent a good portion of my life defensive. I believe this was due to feeling rejected early on in life. To compensate I pushed limits. I found that I could speed up the rejection process if I tested people from the get-go. When people looked at me weird or if I made them feel awkward, I knew: This person also rejects me.
I could be "stronger" by not caring. I could hide the pain by laughing it off.
The lie I would tell myself again and again is that I am unlovable.
Do you have a lie?
Self-sabotage
This is the kind of thing that happens when we go through life's circumstances, and begin a self-talk that goes against every fibre of God's love.
Rejection felt deeply personal for me. Trauma left wounds I did not always know how to name. I became good at pushing through, trying harder, burying myself in work, and pretending I was okay, even when I was carrying shame and hurt underneath.
Being diagnosed with ADHD later in life helped me understand some of the struggles I had carried for years: the overwhelm, the emotional intensity, the forgotten details, and the feeling that I was always somehow falling short. But ADHD is not the whole of my story. It simply gave language to part of it.
God has been gently showing me that my mistakes are not my identity. He has shown me the lies I learned to believe through life experiences. Through God's truth touching my inner spirit, I have experienced a healing I never thought possible.
The love of God
God's love is the foundation of my healing. I am learning to replace old beliefs with what God says about me: that I am loved, chosen, held, and created with purpose.
My hope is that you can find the same.
My healing has not been a straight line. I don't think this journey ever ends. God always has more blessing in the next season, if we will take it, freely.
I no longer want to live looking backward with shame. I want to look forward with hope, knowing God has so much more goodness in store for the future.
Isaiah 43:18-19
“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness, and streams in the wasteland."
That is part of why I created The Phoebe Project: to walk alongside women who may feel unseen, rejected, overwhelmed, or stuck, and remind them that their story is not over.
I chose the name The Phoebe Project because I am inspired by Phoebe, a faithful woman Paul honours in Romans 16. She served the church in Cenchreae and was known as a generous supporter and helper of many, including Paul himself. She is also widely believed to have been entrusted with delivering Paul’s letter to the Romans; an extraordinary responsibility that speaks of her character, courage, and faithfulness. Phoebe used what God had given her to strengthen others and help carry His message forward. Her example reflects the heart of this project: women supporting women, walking faithfully in their purpose, and helping others discover healing, hope, and the truth of who they are in Christ.
I believe God can use even the places that broke us to bring comfort, freedom, and purpose to someone else. I am living proof that we do not have to have everything figured out before God can use us. We can keep healing, keep growing, and still help others along the way.
I love you, and I am cheering for you!
Connie
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