The Soft Sided or "HSP" Explained
Are you soft sided? If so, I celebrate you!
Being soft sided is a strength!
I was in a counselling session when my amazing counsellor asked me if I knew what an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) was. I was not familiar at the time with the term Highly Sensitive Person, a scientific term. But it all started to make sense.
I have since learned that an HSP's sensitivity is more than just shedding a tear on occasion. Being a Highly Sensitive Person starts in our Central Nervous Systems. When I heard this I immediately had some thoughts:
How can I learn to understand myself better?
How can I learn to communicate more effectively knowing this about myself?
How can I bring this knowledge into the world? (Because it's so needed!)
HSPs often times do not understand who they are. They, and sometimes those around them, think they are weird. They wish they could change in this world that frowns upon "the sensitive".
I want to be clear. Being diagnosed as an HSP will never be an excuse for you to wallow in a corner and feel sorry for yourself.
Dr. Elaine N. Aron is a psychotherapist, and she is also a Highly Sensitive Person. She has done plenty of studies on the topic and has written several books such as The Highly Sensitive Person in Love and The Highly Sensitive Person’s Workbook.
She believes that HSPs make up roughly 15-20% of human population, mostly introverts. But if you are blessed with being a highly sensitive extravert, like me (4-5% of the population) then… well, there’s a different level of complexity to the situation.
Dr. Aron says in her book The Highly Sensitive Person, “Your mind works differently"... compared to most non-HSPs, most of us are:
Better at spotting errors and avoiding errors
Highly conscientious
Able to concentrate deeply (but do best without distractions)
Especially good at tasks requiring vigilance, accuracy, speed, and the detection of minor differences
Able to process materials at deeper levels of what psychologist call 'semantic memory' (Semantic Memory: you remember a lot of stuff!)
Often thinking about your own thinking
Able to learn without being aware we have learned
Deeply affected by other people’s moods and emotions
These are beneficial in life and business.
Dr. Aron's studies tell us that our bodies are different too.
Most of us have a nervous system that makes us:
Specialists in fine motor movements
Good at holding still
More ‘right brained’ (less linear, more creative in a synthesizing way)
More sensitive to things in the air (yes, that means more hay fever and skin rashes)
Sensory things like sounds, tones, smells, textures, colours, etc. can affect our mood
When I first learned about these things, I was floored. There was someone out there that got me. Someone understood why I only wear soft shirts, or why I hate socks, or need colour in my office, and a window! Why tones in voices matter to me so much, and why I can see (and feel!) a hurting heart from a mile away.
So, when you acknowledge all of the things that I just listed above, guess what? The truth is that you're normal, the way God made you, with high sensory.
If you have been called “high maintenance”, “princess”, or "baby" on occasion, I can relate! But the truth is that you have gifts for God's purpose. You know when someone is hurting. You know when to pray. You sense the Holy Spirit. You sense when something is not right. You get a sense when someone has a wrong motive.
If you are a deep feeler, you know exactly what I am talking about. If you are more hard sided and by nature, less sensitive, you might benefit from learning more. Together, we make a great team.
As an HSP, 80% of the world won't naturally understand you. You will have to learn first and foremost, to understand yourself, and then find the right people to surround yourself with. Sometimes, if the opportunity arises and the person is willing to listen, you may have to educate those around you.
In order to truly succeed in life, business, and relationships, you may need to:
Understand who you are
Embrace who you are
Know your value
Learn to communicate with God
Learn to communicate with "the 80%"
Heal your hurts
Care for yourself
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A Note to the Non-HSPs
Let’s take a look at the 80% of people that don’t fall into the highly sensitive category. Oh how I have wished and tried to be like you, and oh how I have miserably failed. Oh how I would love to have a break from feeling so deeply.
But someone needs to be the feeler. Together with you, the 80%, we are the solution. But we must work together.
I have several "hard sided" people in my life whom I love and admire. They are also mature, and wise, so they know the value of an HSP. They have also taken the time to learn empathy, or at the very least have empathic people to bounce thoughts and ideas off of.
One of my best friends is naturally hard sided, but has also sought balance her whole life. She is the perfect friend for me. She values and learns from my sensitivity, and I value and learn from her less sensitive nature. She helps me get grounded through my emotional times, and I help her be more sensitive when she realizes that she has been too hard sided. I am so grateful that she protects me from the hard sided people that don’t value the sensitive.
This is about respecting every kind of person and celebrating who God made us to be.
Why the World Needs Sensitive People
First, to my sensitive friends, reminder that being an HSP doesn't give you permission to cry all day and wallow in your sensitivity. You have been given the responsibility to find balance so that you can be used to your full potential. You have a responsibility to take ownership, find healing where you need it, and contribute to this world. Your view is needed! But you won't be able to give of yourself if you are caught up in pain and unforgiveness.
The truth is that if an HSP doesn’t find the right tools, and the right support, we will not have what it takes to team up with the 80%. That is why it is so important that we walk this journey together to heal, to learn, and to use our gifts to make our circle better, and not worse.
When HSPs and non-HSPs learn healthy balance and communication, great things happen. God created all of us to work together. That's when great things happen.
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